I graduated college three days ago. Crazy, huh?
Commencement was a pretty epic few days, full of caps ‘n gowns, meeting tons of family members, and the final move out. And I was honored to be chosen by Currier, my residential house, as one of the student speakers during our diploma awarding ceremony– and wanted to share that speech here. It’s pretty personal, super honest, and in many ways, I think, presents a stark contrast with typical “graduation speaker” speeches. A lot of people (many I wouldn’t have imagined) seemed to be moved by it and, though the written word won’t do it total justice it deserves, I hope in some small way you will be, too. Let me know what you think the comments below!
I, Too, Am Afraid [Currier House 2010 Commencement Day Speech by Derek Flanzraich]
It’s a privilege and honor to speak here today. Above all, though, it’s been a privilege and honor to be one of your classmates. So, thank you.
I am afraid. My legs are definitely shaking. If I forget, remind me to breathe. You see, I am afraid not because of how many people are here, but because I am afraid all of you are judging me. I’m afraid of looking like an idiot. I’m afraid I will stand up here and my short speech will sound fake, that it’ll bore you, that it won’t ring true.
If you really knew me, you’d know I often want to be all things to all people, I’m insecure about my abilities, and even lonely sometimes. I’m scared about my future, I’m scared about next year. I’ve never really, truly lived alone. I don’t know how to pay taxes. I don’t know for sure what my passion is in life, where to find it, or if I ever will. And I’m afraid to acknowledge, because I think it sounds arrogant, self-important, or just naive– and that you all will judge me for it– that I want to change the world. I do. I don’t know how. But I do. And the scariest part? I’m afraid I have to.
Unlike the class day speaker said yesterday, I am scared of mediocrity. Of course! You, we, are unbelievably lucky to be here. But we all know that comes with a ton of responsibility. We can’t be mediocre! And from that fear stems the two things I hope to share today. They’re both lessons I’ve learned from my parents. Despite, of course, my very serious dedication to always doing the exact opposite of what they say.
First, don’t be afraid to take advantage of your opportunities. Growing up, my father always said there’s nothing more fulfilling than working your hardest to accomplish something. At 3am, when there was a paper I didn’t want to write, it’s my closest friends reminding me that working on the extracurriculars I love is many times more important than my GPA. And watching the organizations I’ve started both growing bigger and better beyond my wildest imagination in the hands of new leaders has shown me there really isn’t anything more fulfilling than working your absolute hardest to make an impact when you’re given the chance to. Like a weight on our shoulders, we’ve felt the burden of having to live up to the opportunity we’ve been handed by being accepted to Harvard. And boy are our shoulders tired! (Sorry, that one was for the parents in the crowd.) But, today, Harvard’s come and gone. What’s really scary is knowing how many more opportunities we will still be faced with. Should I take a safe job with Google or take a gamble at a startup company? With issues like these, we’ll feel lucky because we’ve been handed them– and unlucky because now it’s our responsibility to make the best of them. So? Don’t be afraid to take advantage of your opportunities.
The second lesson? Don’t be afraid to be happy. Being driven and focused and determined and relentless is great and all that, sure. But, as my mom says (in her Russian accent), “it’s not good enough.” I think a lot of us have been afraid to be happy at Harvard. And it hasn’t been the long, cold Boston winters either. Well, not just them. We knew Harvard wouldn’t be holding our hands. But man, our hands could use some holding sometimes! We have a hard time escaping from the Harvard “bubble” to go into Boston– but an even harder time escaping from our extracurriculars and academics to focus on ourselves. And it’s my mother who always reminds me that we need to stop. That it’s more important to sit in the hallway and talk for much too long sometimes. That watching Troy for the 30th time with your friends is worth it for the bonding. That going out for a brisk run around Lamont Library is only going increase your productivity. That there’s 50 years of not this. Because before we can truly succeed, we need to be happy first. It’s disheartening that, while we know our peers are mind-blowingly awesome, we often forget we’re mind-blowingly awesome, too. Nobody’s success takes anything away from ours– in fact, I’ve been doing some research– and it turns out there’s lots of success to be had in this world! So? Don’t be afraid to be happy.
When I look back at what my best times have been at Harvard, it’s things that have scared the hell out of me. It’s loving a girl who loved me as much back, it’s taking adventures with my best friends that were at times intellectually stimulating and at others totally mindless, it’s putting into action ideas I was enthusiastic about but entirely unsure about their success. I’ve learned a lot at Harvard. But what’s stuck most is that it’s not about getting rid of fears, denying what you’re afraid of. Because, honestly, good luck with that! Instead, I think it’s about confronting your fears, owning them, and then, with that, taking inspired and courageous action to do something about them. Know what you’re afraid of. Because, in knowing your fears, you can take advantage of your opportunities and be happy while doing it. Look, I’m afraid. We’re all afraid. Then. Now. And probably always will be. But we can– and will– still change the world, even if we’re afraid and don’t know exactly how yet.
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